But not who you think it is

Ah, Gilmore Girls. My fall favourite. To watch Rory navigate Chilton life and her first real crush, and the ever-so-spunky Lorelai forgetting her dry cleaning and driving the Jeep. I could sing praises to this show for more than a day long, but we don’t have time for all of that. But let me just say that this is the comfort show for me.

*Disclaimer*

Before we delve any further, I would like address the male audience (if you do exist) and those who are watching this show with their partners: if you feel that Lorelai’s or any other female character’s behaviour is ludicrous, absurd and that no self-respecting man would tolerate it for a second – you’ll have to deal. Because in other oh-so many shows created by men, behaviour of certain male leads don’t make sense to us women either (Barney Stinson from HIMYM). You know, where a girl or a woman is an epitome of male fantasy (Penny from Big Bang Theory), even though is shown as being annoyed with main character’s flaws and questionable behaviour, still merely rolls her eyes at him and continues to hang out, be friends and even might end up falling in love for the guy. In the same way, Luke falls in love for Lorelai, despite her what may be perceived as an ‘over-the-top’ personality. Therefore, dear representatives of male gender, treat Gilmore Girls with the same premise in mind: this is a tale of free-spirited, spontaneous, short-tempered, incredibly intelligent and obstinate women (which many of you, unfortunately, would deem ‘difficult’), with men falling head over heals for them precisely for the aforementioned reasons. Yes, this is a story oriented for women, created and written by a woman – Amy Sherman-Palladino (co-written by her husband, Daniel Palladino). Where yes, at times I think in what sane world would a guy like Luke tolerate half of the eccentricities Lorelai extinguishes upon him daily, and still find her goofy and charming (for instance, when Lorelai does her signature complaint circle of the new diner’s menu and demands the old one back only to whine that others got the ‘new and a shiny’ one. Granted, it’s a joke, but even that would drive a stoic-facade Luke mad), the answer is: this. This world. The world of Gilmore Girls. Which totally makes sense to me. It is wonderful to imagine that it can exist. It’s cathartic and its beautiful and I’m 100% on board with this majestic chaotic mess.

“Do you drink coffee?”

“Only with my oxygen.”

Max and Lorelai

The beauty of Gilmore Girls is that you immediately enter several worlds at once: you’re plunged into the lavish, privileged and entitled world of Emily and Richard Gilmore; the wholesome and romanticised, haystack-ride-filled, wacky-charity-events-galore, yet all the comforts-provided, small-town charm of Stars Hollow; the cosy and pampered world of Independence Inn with all of the emotional nooks and crannies, details of hosting and managing that go into creating this atmosphere, with an addendum of Sookie’s kitchen and its loving and chaotic atmosphere; later we are injected with the cynical-big-city-edgy-wit-outsider perspective from Jess Mariano (young Milo Ventimiglia is just a present to us all, if I may be so bold), world of perennial rock music references, and finally almost true-to-life Ivy League university experience. All. In. One. Fell. Swoop. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a show solely about rich people, because it’s not. But it sheds light on both perspectives – Lorelai’s running from that entitled life like from the epicentre of malaria outbreak, to Emily and Richard’s privileged, yet exactly-what-they-were-brought-up-to-believe background and morale. But, the difference in their worldview, albeit a number of wonderful dialogues between Lorelai and her father, is best encapsulated in the têt-á-têts between Lorelai and Emily Gilmore. That is the core of the show for me, because it unveils Lorelai’s inner conflict, which is a crux on which the show is built upon. The story begins with Lorelai revealing that world for us, when she begrudgingly reaches out to her mother to ask for financial help with Rory’s education.

But this story is not about this mother and daughter. After re-watching Gilmore Girls for gazillionth time, I’ve realised that the show all along was about Lorelai and Emily. I am sure I am not the first one to think of it. But I wanted to touch upon this relationship. GG is a story that largely revolves around relationships, but it positions Lorelai and Rory’s story as its leading dynamic. However, the story begins with Lorelai going to her parents for financial help. And in that scene, where Emily opens the door to see her daughter on the doorstep is the start of the show for me. I don’t know why. It just hit me that this is the most valuable dynamic.

To say that Emily and Lorelai’s relationship is turbulent would be a massive understatement. The icy repartees and awkward pauses…Needless to say that the tension is beyond palpable, it’s crackling. When they do start fighting it’s like hearing two characters in a musical finally break into song. They dish out without any reservations: the vitriol, the layers upon layers of pain… This is the aching heart of the show. And it is its beating pulse.

Lorelai and Emily’s surroundings intertwine to create a thundering contrast between the two worlds the viewers are constantly traveling to and fro. We are reminded of the coldness, calculatedness and stiffness of the Hartford household, and the messiness, warmth and spontaneity of the Stars Hollow one.

The central thesis is that both Emily and Lorelai have more in common than they wish to admit. They both have that firecracker, spunk and gusto, with which they approach everything they set their mind on: from a dinner party to an inn reconstruction. Both of them care more than other Gilmore family members, such as Rory and Richard, who are more passive and head-in-the-clouds. They are not bookish. They prefer to remain in the real world.

Difference between them is time. Born into different time periods. They are the products of their time. Emily also considers herself a grown-up, while Lorelai – a child. But she remains a child, because a woman in her mother’s sense means being too restrictive and saying no to many enjoyable things in life.

They share commonalities that Lorelai is evidently uncomfortable with — from putting on the cream in the same fashion, to the fiery, feisty, spunky nature. Even though Emily is outwardly uptight and seemingly frigid, she comes unbound after getting tipsy, which is ridiculously fun to watch, to stealing the robe with Lorelai from the Birchgrove Spa.

She is just as emotional as Lorelai, but she keeps herself in “hedgehog gloves” (a Russian idiom), puts herself in a rigid framework, acts prim and proper, in accordance to her status.

But as Babette says it best: “underneath you’re just a broad like us, Emily”. She is overwhelmingly right. And that is one of the most beautiful things about Emily. The temper and the mischief, which is what I can assume Richard’s mother loathed her for, is precisely what draws Richard to Emily in the first place, and what he seemed to lack in Pennilin Lott. not enough of the ‘blue-bloodedness’ and love for academia, even though Emily did graduate from an Ivy League in History, it wasn’t her passion for the subject that drove her to pursue higher education like it is for Richard and Rory, but rather societal norms and expectations. And, probably, an environment to seek a future husband in, which I write without any degree of judgement. Emily is a sly, pragmatic fox. She is more drawn to action, rather than pondering. Much like her daughter, too.

In the Scene at the Mall, Emily witnesses a conversation Lorelai about the colour for the inn ad, saying that it was not what they agreed on. Emily observes her daughter’s behaviour and even comments later how she was impressed at how Lorelai handled the call – ‘in command‘. Lorelai replies with “Well, I learned from the best”, to which Emily is oblivious and asks “From whom?”

“From the lady eating her hamburger with a fork.“

Lorelai Gilmore

Both Lorelai and Emily aren’t afraid to use their feminine wiles on men – even at work place.

Oh Luke, we’re just dying for refreshments!

Keep it in your pants!

– Lorelai and Luke

Emily, however, is more reserved about that side of her, even though she lets it loose when her and Richard decide to separate at the beginning of Season 5:

italian trip season 5 randy italian men! they are terrible flirts! emily is a fox and a terrible flirt too

i drew parallels between Emily and Betty Draper — uptight, follows rules, but combusting — she speaks italian — well educated — Bryn Mawr and Smith — history and anthropology majors

Lorelai has grit. It comes from her mother. Even though Emily is all prim and proper, she does have this quality. Richard may have the stamina, yet…neither he, nor Rory have what these two share. No one else in the family. That’s why when we see Lorelai and Emily, there’s always a flare of raunchiness and wonderful misdemeanour in the air. Lorelai and Rory might be silly and totally in-sync together, but they could never have what Emily and Lorelai, despite how raw, have.

That resilience is the key kernel that separates Rory and Richard and Lorelai and Emily. The latter pairing may disagree on many things, and Emily never worked a day in her life — but she is a steadfast home-maker that attended her duties like a full-time job. Albeit swimming in white privilege, she always held her home’s setting to the highest standard and organised and attended functions like peace-making conferences or mandatory meetings. That stamina and not letting things sway them is the key trait for both of them. They will not steer their course elsewhere due to some choppy waters; they will cling to the mast and look ahead, without paying attention to the unfolding mayhem around them. The wave crests may rise, and their will will grow exponentially. Not to say that such obstinacy always proves successful or fruitful — however, it does show their stocky character and the stuff that they’re made of. There is no saturnine qualities in either of them — they face their challenges head on.

Cue in one of my favourite episodes of the show: There’s the Rub from Season 2.

When Richard becomes depressed and lashes out on Emily, while causing a scene in Presenting Lorelai Gilmore, Lorelai becomes acutely aware how profoundly alone her mother is. She goes to see to her, while she is gardening. Emily isn’t used to her daughter casually dropping by without any agenda, therefore when she does it is evident that this is a first for them. They both understand the significance of the moment when Emily and Lorelai share a look, while saying ‘hang’ at the same time. They share a blissful, what I can imagine, hour of quietude on an afternoon in each other’s company.

What also sets Emily and Lorelai apart from the rest of the family is that they aren’t afraid to cut corners. In the brilliant scene back from the 60/40 bar, when they decide to curtail their spa weekend together, the two get into a fight and discuss why they can’t seem to make their relationship work.

“Rory and I are best friends, mom. We are best friends first, and mother and daughter second. And you and I are mother and daughter always.”

Lorelai

Emily rightly points out that she wasn’t taught to be friends with her daughter, but to be a role model for her daughter, which Lorelai understands, which is crucial. She understands that her mother is a product of her time and doesn’t judge her for that. Mocks, but not judges. After realising that perhaps an ‘intense weekend’ together was too much pressure and strain on their rekindled relationship, Lorelai comes up with another solution: an inside joke. Lorelai proposes to steal robes together, which Emily sang praises to as soon as she got her hands on. It took some coaxing, as Emily protested that they will be charged for it, “The little tag on the hangar says so”, but Lorelai continues to convince her, while putting the robe into her bag. When Emily asks, “Would you ever steal a robe with Rory?” Lorelai replies, “She’s far too moral for that”, with her histrionic charm, making this feel important. Making this a talisman, a clandestine souvenir which would unite both of them, symbolic of their time together, while also highlighting a trait, which only two of them possess: cheekiness, not afraid to break some rules. Bad girl stamina. Emily ends up stealing the robe.

“I should have my head examined.”

“We’ll make an appointment when we get back.”

— Lorelai and Emily

The scene in Like Mother, Like Daughter is just perfect. They come out, Lorelai being embarrassed and all, while Emily is purely living it, and yet this moxie comes out, as soon as Lorelai accepts this situation. They are both in red, Nancy-Reagan-suited-up, their smiles are a-blazing, they do the little twirl at the end and it’s just the perfect sequence of at-odds parent and child who secretly enjoy each other’s company. The way Emily glances at her when they walk back is priceless. Part saying, “See, how much fun we can have together”, part “I admire the hell out of you”. Both giddy and unstoppable, this little scene is the epitome of this song if there ever was one. And if there is a video of Cindy Lauper’s classic, I bet that this show-stealer of a scene trumps it. Girls are bangin’. Acted out perfectly and to the finest point by both Kelly Bishop and Lauren Graham. Even if you saw this scene out of context, from the first seconds you’d be able to guess that they’re mother and daughter. Everything that Lorelai tells herself that she isn’t like her mother, she begrudgingly/willingly accepts and then the magic happens. At first, Lorelai just mockingly repeats what Emily does, the arm on the waist, after the eye-roll proceeds to hover a little bit doing the shimmy with her hands, and giving her mum a fake smile, but after seeing Emily this excited and enjoying herself, she concedes, nodding her head in agreement and flashing a genuine smile this time, after which they do the exceedingly cheeky turn and a over-the-shoulder look and exit in the most Thelma and Louise style (sorry, I haven’t watched it, however after all of the referencing I’ve heard of this movie, I feel like that’s exactly what their relationship feels like). After the event when Emily and Lorelai are having tea with Ginger and Mina from the Booster club, Emily proudly observes her daughter, smiling in admiration, while she discusses next potential event of the club. Down to the fiery Nancy-Reagan-red, as Rory aptly later puts it, suits, the scene was perfect.

Childlike sensibilities

“Funny, isn’t it?

What is?

How nicely you seem to be fitting into a world from which you ran away from.”

– Lorelai and Emily

Or when Lorelai comes to install Emily’s DVD player in Dear Emily and Richard. She always becomes more empathetic when her mum becomes detached from her dad — that’s when she feels the most for her mother. What’s more, she feels like she can contribute in a way to Emily’s life. She asks what does she do in the evening, afraid that her mum might be lonely. When Emily doesn’t come up with a good answer, Lorelai decided to change that by getting her a DVD player, so Emily can watch musicals that she likes, so she gets a little entertainment. Even though Emily continues to protest, saying that she doesn’t understand why Lorelai got her this, she half-absent-mindedly exclaims “I love this movie”, while perusing the ones Lorelai got her. Lorelai gives a satisfied smile. Coming from her own experience, she tries to teach her mum how to be alone and have a good time. They also bond over it; and she also shows that being alone is nothing to be afraid of; that you can actually have fun being by yourself. Then Lorelai says that she doesn’t know how to hookup a DVD player, yet waltzes confidently upstairs telling her with an air of confident nonchalance, in only Lorelai Gilmore can, mother, “I’ll figure it out”, while Emily lists all of the dangers with wrongly installing an electric device. And that’s their difference right there: Lorelai isn’t afraid to to be wrong. She doesn’t have that innate belief that just because something is new, she won’t be able to eventually figure it out. And then she starts singing a song from one of the musicals and doing the little dance kicking up her legs as she climbs the stairs, which is hats off to Lauren Graham again for making Lorelai such a vibrant, vivacious character. But Emily already enjoys doing that as evident from her discomfort when Richard temporarily retires and Emily begs Lorelai to take her father for a day trip to Stars Hollow.

Of course, there’s always a common denominator / factor that instantly brings women on one side of the barricade: Rory. In ‘Hammers and Veils’ episode of season two, the two have a cute freak out about how ‘the market is yo-yo-ing’ and ‘all of these bimbo starlets’ will get into the Ivy League schools and wedge precious Rory out.

Both share the same drink — martini two olives with a twist.

Dear Emily and Richard

Face Off – Emily and Lorelai bond over Lorelai Senior’s disdain towards Emily;

Emily confides in Lorelai; Lorelai supports her, because she knows what’s it like to be constantly mercilessly criticised over every small detail.

She also sees misbehaving part of her mum, which she really digs – “What would Miss Manners say?”